Fact: People Don’t Think About Us As Much As We Think They Do…

photo-9

  'At age 20, we worry about what others think of us.  At age 40, we don't care what they think of us.  At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all.'  ~ Ann Landers (1918-2002) I posted this on Facebook last week and I don't think I've ever had so much response! It touched a chord with many of you. I thought about it and wondered what it was that resonated? Here are my thoughts - Some of us really have got to that point where we really don't care what … [Read more...]

Parenting Through the Teenage Years

Sicily

This post first appeared on Huffington Post Parents I am a mother to three children, my eldest son is 23, my daughter is 20 and my youngest son is 15. I am proud to say that I have loving and respectful relationships with all three of them... but that wasn't always so, in case you think that I'm some kind of superwoman! We have dealt with divorce in our family, a divorce which I instigated. I was the one to tell my children that I was leaving their father after 21 years of marriage. I … [Read more...]

Whoa There Cowboy

Whoa there cowboy

The trouble with a vivid imagination is that not only does this enable me to create a compelling future for myself and my family, my very own real life nirvana it also means that I get to create my very own living hell. Right here. Today. A feeling of frustration or a feeling of life’s a bit troublesome right now can easily become catastrophised and the path of despair that I was having a gentle saunter down turns into a full on run down this less than salubrious road. Let me give you an … [Read more...]

What Movie Genre Best Describes Your Life?

Movie

I've been thinking about this a lot recently, whether it's overhearing conversations or reading about people's lives on Facebook or working with clients and also at times in my own life.....there's an awful lot of drama out there. I have worked really hard in the past removing the drama from my life. I got so fed up and bored of my own voice from retelling the same old poor me story to different friends (frankly anyone who'd listen) in order to get sympathy/approval/hugs/acknowledgement … [Read more...]

Today I Am Grateful For:

Today

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” – Meister Eckhart. How many of us stop to consciously give thanks and show our gratitude? Yes, in passing without much thought we often say ‘thanks’ – to the person who held the door open for us, to the barista for our cappuccino, to the girl on the checkout in the supermarket, a wave of acknowledgment as someone let’s us out into the traffic, to our partner for the cup of tea (often without even looking up … [Read more...]

Choose Your Battles…(even those with yourself.)

Life's short

"When you fight something, you're tied to it forever. As long as you're fighting it, you're giving it power." - Anthony de Mello. What battles are you fighting at the moment? Do you have an internal struggle going on, resisting something that you know deep down you'd be best to release and let go of? Resisting always comes with pain, emotional yes, and often times physical. Or are you having a battle with someone, a loved one or someone you used to love perhaps? Are you stuck because you … [Read more...]

Circumstances or Decisions?

Stephen Covey

Those of you who know me either personally or through my writing will know of my love of quotes, inspiring soundbites for the 21st Century. I find a handful of words used in the right order can literally blow my mind, can reduce me to tears, can inspire me to raise my game, can affirm that I'm doing OK and that all will be well.... I stood on the station platform this morning catching up on emails whilst waiting for the train. I read these words in one of the daily motivational emails I have … [Read more...]

What Are You Avoiding?

Fearless

Talk about questions you don't want to be asked when sitting with your coach or friend or therapist! It's the question you know you've been avoiding…you daren't even give it a moment's thought. You've been unhappy for a long time, things just don't seem to be going your way. You're tired, aching, uninspired, lacklustre, have no energy for anything. So what are you avoiding? That important conversation with your partner? The lump you keep feeling and pretending isn't there? The conversation … [Read more...]

Self Sabotage….yes, YOU

Brilliant and fabulous

Self sabotage is a dream stealer. Self sabotage leads us to eat another piece of cake. Self sabotage urges us to open the bottle of wine. Self sabotage chooses rotten partners for us. Self sabotage says it's too cold and wet and dark to go to the gym. Self sabotage stops us applying for that great job. Ladies and gentlemen, self sabotage is a bitch. It keeps us trapped within our comfort zone. It prevents us from becoming powerful. Why? I remember many years ago listening to Michael … [Read more...]

Start From Where You Are

Start from where you are

So many times we sit paralysed because of fear or regret. We long for things to be different. We wish we'd made different choices. We regret things we either did or did not do. We sit frozen to the spot unable to think or see with any clarity, unable to move. That was me. My head ached from wishing, from over-thinking. It was getting me nowhere. Over time and with guidance I learned to stop wishing things were different. My life was the way it was however much I wished it was different. I came … [Read more...]

Radiators and Drains

Warning

"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. You can see that when you think how the friends that really listen to us are the ones we move toward, and we want to sit in their radius as though it did us good, like ultraviolet rays." ~ Brenda Ueland. When was the last time you were truly listened to? To be listened to helps us feel valued, someone giving us their full attention allows us to believe that what we have to say is important in some way. It shows us that the … [Read more...]

What Are Your Foregone Conclusions?

victim or hero

A while ago Danielle LaPorte posted this question on Facebook. What are your foregone conclusions? It stopped me in my tracks. Wow! What a question. It's a question that's been in and out of my thoughts ever since. I've asked this question to friends and my children. What are your foregone conclusions? What have you already decided is an inevitable result? What have you decided  as fact ahead of proper consideration or evidence? Interesting huh? I'm suspecting that for most of us we … [Read more...]

What’s the Next Step

Right Now

When I was going through some tough times a few years back, I would often find myself panicking and catastrophising a situation. I was so in the middle of the issue that I couldn't see outside of it. Does that make sense? I would spiral rapidly downwards and end up feeling exhausted and wretched. I would be unable to think with any clarity. I was unable to think creatively in a way that would enable me to see beyond the current 'crisis'. I was worn out.   As I sat slumped on a … [Read more...]

Can’t, Should, Try

SONY DSC

Three seemingly innocuous little words. You think? I've spent quite a few years now listening in to my own self talk. It feels at times like I've been wired up as they do in the movies and sent in by the good guys as a mole to infiltrate and overhear what the bad guys are up to. You know the scenario? Well, I've done that a lot with myself and of course with my clients. These 3 little words pack some punch in how we view the world and what we believe about ourselves and what we believe is … [Read more...]

Courage After Not Before

Courage

 "The way it works is, you do the thing you're scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it not before you do it." ~George Clooney as Archie Gate A shame that isn't it. You know we long for the courage in order to do the thing we're most scared of doing and this is why we put off and put off again the things we know we want and need to do because we're waiting in hope for courage to fall out of the sky. 'Fraid it's not going to work like that. So, what are you most scared … [Read more...]

Juno’s Dad

Juno

"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." ~Mac MacGuff Juno is one of my favourite films. Juno is a super cool, quirky, articulate 16 year old who finds herself pregnant after having sex for the very first time. She decides to keep the baby and give … [Read more...]

Be You. Don’t Hide It.

be you

Be You. Don’t Hide It. Imagine how different our lives would be if we did truly live this way. Who is the ‘you’ you hide? What does she have to say to the world? What will it take for her to be heard? Where is there abundance in your life? There is abundance in my life.  I am loved and I love in return. I am healthy and happy. I am cared for, my needs are met. Joseph Campbell advised us to follow our bliss. When we seek our own happiness, far from being a selfish act it allows others to … [Read more...]

Take 10

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDoaQeQywDo I have explored meditation many times. For years I practiced yoga and meditation was very much a part of my weekly practice in class. Meditation has always appealed to me as a way of dealing with the stresses and strains of modern life. I wonder how differently I might have coped during the most stressful recent past had I continued in making meditation part of my daily practice? Instead I drank coffee and wine and became fully immersed in the … [Read more...]

Waterloo and City Line

TubeMap

I'm excited to share something special with you. A few days before Christmas I was catching up with a friend. We'd not seen each other in a long time.  Something happened that evening which we both felt was worth writing about and sharing.  Here it is. I hope you enjoy it and take something from it. Your comments as always are most welcomed.     Rebecca....... So there I was sitting on the sofa with Claire whom I'd not seen for over a year. We were celebrating life with a … [Read more...]

Rediscovering Courage – in Life, in Love and in Myself

I have it within me

A few days ago I received an email from a very dear friend. A friend who has been battling for some time now on issues of courage, self belief and self worth. She and I have been through much together with our marriages, our divorces and our children. She is right there in the centre of my inner circle. My heart has ached for her this past year. I have always had faith that she would find her way out of this bleak, dark tunnel. Her email inspired me to write, (a passage of which is written … [Read more...]